Brief Biography


BS MIT '83  Masters Oxford '85 PhD Harvard '87 in biochemistry, 
electrical engineering, mathematics, philosophy, religious studies, 
music, English, Swahili, underwater basketweaving and many 
others of which I am too modest to mention.

Gave tennis lessons to Martina Hingis, the coach of Garry Kasparov, 
the judge in the O.J. Simpson case, the star of the Brazilian soccer 
team, and the senior advisor to George Bush and Linus Torvalds.

Programmer of Deep Thinking Chess Machine, the Matrix, Linux 
kernel hacker, MCRE ( Microsoft Certified Reboot Engineer ) , and 
SkyNet. While programming, I had sex with Pamela Anderson (twice) 
and Vladimir Putin.

Planning to go to Yale Law School, Harvard Medical School, and a 
Roman Catholic seminary with the $135,001 won for being a 5-time 
Jeopardy champion. Also recently found Wally and Carmen Sandiego.  
(They were both hiding in the bushes.)

Originally sang the songs in the record album of Milli Vanilli, knows 
for a fact who killed O.J.'s wife, the key diplomat that desegregated 
South Africa, solved the meaning of life mathematically and 
philosophically, and signed Jesus' yearbook.

Won Nobel Peace Prize, Pulitzer Prize, 2 Darwin Awards; best man 5 
times, nominated 7 times for best director, key grip, most popular, 
cutest smile, homecoming king, Hero of the Soviet Union, voted best 
athlete of the twentieth century, and does not have a blinking 
'12:00' on his VCR.

If you meet me in person, I may not seem so brilliant; I decided to  
appear a bit dumb on purpose to hide my identity, to practice the
virtue of humility, and because the doctor said so.